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Bizzare Search Terms: 2011 Edition

28 Jun

So now that I’m back in the fold I’ve been watching some of the things that random people search for that bring them to State of Affairs.  A while back, my former partner-in-crime Alex James wrote about this very same topic.  I’ve been looking through the archives and there’s some even stranger stuff, 2 years later.

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Alex Who?

7 Jun

Hello friends,

As I sit in a newly built compound, sipping burbon and enjoying the sun, I took a gander to how my beloved blog has been doing.  Turns out my intern hasn’t been doing his job for the last six months.  On top of that, the bugger stole my 1968 Les Paul and one of the dudes from our Foosball table.  Normally the Fixer and I are on top of things, but we’ve been on assignment in….let’s just say on assignment with Jeff Oh.  I can typically talk about my goings on, but I’m pretty sure if I do, I’ll be living on a house boat for the rest of my life.  So where’s Alex James?  Looks like he took off a long time ago.  There’s an inch of dust on his cot and the black lipstick on his usual whiskey glass has long faded.

So on to business…

In lieu of the disappearance of Alex James, the Fixer has pulled me off of field work in order to take over SOA.  This means a couple of things for you and me:

1) Most regular posting – enough of this once every couple of weeks crap that has been the trend over the last year.

2) More anger – I’ve been in the bush for a long time now…and I’m pissed off.

3) Less geek stuff – Even though we’re called State of Affairs, that doesn’t mean we talk about the next video game that’s coming out.

4) More anger – A lot of douche bags out there are about to get their comeuppance.

Also, I’ve contacted Jeff Oh to bring his brand of hellfire to the forum but he’s more reliable than a two dollar crack whore.

It’s year two of SOA.  Time to bring the old girl back from the dead.

– Jim

A Book To Help You Reevaluate Your Crappy Job

20 Jan

Not everybody is lucky enough to have a job they enjoy as much as I enjoy mine.  Yes, in addition to my responsibilities as Prince of the Internet, I extend my considerable talents into multiple fields: I also operate as a freelance writer and editor-for-hire, a sometime roadie and a moonlighting musician.  It’s not so glamorous as it sounds, but I do know a lot of you, dear readers, would probably skin somebody alive for the chance to pursue the things you love to do, so many of you would count me blessed to do what I love every day.

My question to you is this: why aren’t you doing the same thing?

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Canadian Hero Fund: Supporting Veterans

5 Nov

Hello friends.  It’s been far too long since we had one of our little chats, and for that I’m deeply sorry.  State of Affairs isn’t defunct, but we’re in a period of serious change, and as a result my myriad responsibilities as Prince of the Internet have taken me elsewhere and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future.  With that said, I’m going to make more of an effort to keep content coming on SoA, either personally or courtesy of my network of Correspondents in the form of guest blogs.  Thanks for your patience; I really do appreciate it.

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The Report of Alex James’ Death Is An Exaggeration

14 Aug

My friends and loyal readers: I am not dead.

I have been hard at work on a number of projects, many of them musical, but one of them textual.  Yes, I AM WRITING A BOOK.  Look excited; it incites me to work.

I don’t know what the future of this blog is going to hold, at present moment, and I wish I could tell you. But as it stands right now I have a lot of flaming eggs in the air and my hands are coated in kerosene.  So you’ll understand my reluctance to catch them in a wicker basket.

In the meantime, I wanted to touch base with each and every one of you, to thank you once again for your continued readership and to assure you that something amazing is coming your way, as soon as I can hatch it.  All right, I’ll quit with the egg metaphor.  But please do stick around, and tell your friends about my enormous, throbbing archive.  ARCHIVE.

I love each of you dearly, insofar as my withered little heart can accommodate.

Time for a Sexy Party: Naughty Canada Coalition Advocates Red Light District

6 Jul

Thanks to the lovely long weekend afforded Canadians, I had a fair bit of time on my hands over the last few days, so I spent it wandering around Toronto. It’s relaxing and it gets me out of the dark, oppressive hovel I live in, so I figured it was worth braving the smog. But when I was walking down Queen Street this caught my eye:

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Camping Tips From A Guy Who Doesn’t Know How To Camp

17 Jun

Hello my friends. I would apologize for my absence but doubtless you’ve become accustomed to it by now, so let’s forgo that nonsense and get right into it.

Hard as it might be to believe, I do spend some time away from my ubiquitous computer screen – sometimes, I even venture into the Great Outdoors (whose existence I’ve heard rumour of on the World Wide Web). Not often, but sometimes. Thankfully, I’ve recently secured myself a Lady Friend who is skilled in the ways of the woods (we’ll pause here so my unattached female readers can mourn my removal from the meat market), and she’s taken it upon herself to rouse me from my pseudo-intellectual torpor and drag me kicking and screaming from the comforts of modern technology into the vast, uncaring wilderness of Central Ontario.

Put plainly, she took me camping.

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