It’s a new era my children.
After a long hunt for Alex James with no success, I came to a realization in life, that life is more than just raging and drinking. It’s also about the finer things in life, like women. That’s why at SOA, The Fixer has finally agreed that a) suffrage is acceptable and b) we should get a female writer.
So friends, I introduce you to Olivia Clark. May god have mercy on her soul…
So now that I’m back in the fold I’ve been watching some of the things that random people search for that bring them to State of Affairs. A while back, my former partner-in-crime Alex James wrote about this very same topic. I’ve been looking through the archives and there’s some even stranger stuff, 2 years later.
Folks, I’m not going to lie when I say a lot of things piss me off about the world. Everywhere you look things are getting worse. I’m not trying to be pessimistic, it’s just the way things are. War, famine, insane natural disasters, the butchering of the ending of Lost. It’s hard not to wonder how we’re going to make it to the next century. If we do, it’s going to take some serious cognitive reformations before anything changes.
Now before we get into some serious existential discussion about the meaning of life, I want to talk about what’s on the top of my list that needs to be dismantled: religion. In all seriousness, how has organized religion ever done anything other than increase the size of the vatican’s purse? Although I could go on a rant for days about it, I’ll let Saint Carlin do it for me:
As I sit in a newly built compound, sipping burbon and enjoying the sun, I took a gander to how my beloved blog has been doing. Turns out my intern hasn’t been doing his job for the last six months. On top of that, the bugger stole my 1968 Les Paul and one of the dudes from our Foosball table. Normally the Fixer and I are on top of things, but we’ve been on assignment in….let’s just say on assignment with Jeff Oh. I can typically talk about my goings on, but I’m pretty sure if I do, I’ll be living on a house boat for the rest of my life. So where’s Alex James? Looks like he took off a long time ago. There’s an inch of dust on his cot and the black lipstick on his usual whiskey glass has long faded.
So on to business…
In lieu of the disappearance of Alex James, the Fixer has pulled me off of field work in order to take over SOA. This means a couple of things for you and me:
1) Most regular posting – enough of this once every couple of weeks crap that has been the trend over the last year.
2) More anger – I’ve been in the bush for a long time now…and I’m pissed off.
3) Less geek stuff – Even though we’re called State of Affairs, that doesn’t mean we talk about the next video game that’s coming out.
4) More anger – A lot of douche bags out there are about to get their comeuppance.
Also, I’ve contacted Jeff Oh to bring his brand of hellfire to the forum but he’s more reliable than a two dollar crack whore.
It’s year two of SOA. Time to bring the old girl back from the dead.
Guess what folks. I’M BACK. It’s time to rock this fucker with a sledge hammer. As you’ve already seen, I’m making some ascetic changes. I will give a full report once I’m satisfied, but I will give you a taste of what has happened…The compound has been burned to the ground. Not gonna say how, but I will illustrate with a picture:
Sometimes I try very hard to forget one serious fact- I’m American. Even though my home base is in Toronto, smashing whiskey bottles over the head of the almost always haggard Alex, I was born in Philadelphia. I travel a lot, and usually tell foreigners that I’m Canadian. It saves a lot of hassle, and possible beheadings. Today though, is the one day where I can really say I’m proud to be American. Some of my buddies north of the border might want to puke at that fact I’m saying this, but you know what, FUCK YOU. USA-A-OK. Fuck yeah.
Only in America.