Bizzare Search Terms: 2011 Edition

28 Jun

So now that I’m back in the fold I’ve been watching some of the things that random people search for that bring them to State of Affairs.  A while back, my former partner-in-crime Alex James wrote about this very same topic.  I’ve been looking through the archives and there’s some even stranger stuff, 2 years later.

I really don’t know what to say about some of the people out there using the internet. I’m assuming that a lot of these search terms come from images, but I’m skeptical. On a few I did my own search to see if anything SOA related even came up, and nada. Maybe they’re digging really deep. What I’m curious about is how SOA is appearing in the first place? I’m kind of curious as to what Alex was up to for the last 18 months…

Cartoon Porn/Disney Porn/Shrek Porn/Cartoon Dick

While I don’t think searching for naked pictures of Jessica Rabbit is strange, but SHREK??? Seriously people. The scary thing is that a lot of people searched for that. Also, why a cartoon dick? You know dudes are looking this stuff up too.

Rapists in White Van

Searching for long lost cousins on the internet? Also search terms here were ‘rapist van’ and ‘rapist’. *sigh*

Creepy Old Man

I’m guessing they were looking for Alex James but forgot his name.


Again, not the strangest thing in the world to search for. Maybe someone’s got something strange in their john and they’re trying to figure out what it is. I get that.

Weird Porn

What does that even mean? Are they talking about something like Milk Alien?

Girl and Horse

Now while these three words don’t sound dirty, considering everything else that I’ve seen, I can only assume the worst. Why people? Why?

God Hates Fags

Great, so now Google’s going to think we’re homophobic. A LOT of people got to SOA using this.

Greasy Hair Guy

Again, looking for Alex but couldn’t remember his name.

Tom Selleck Nude

I’m starting to think that SOA was a porn site for a while that featured Alex James with farm animals defecating on cartoon characters.


Just plain old testicles. WTF?

Kill Me Before I Do It Myself


Porn Legs

Porn. Legs. That’s it. Not porn tits or ass or nipples. Just legs. That’s it.

Jeffery Dahmer Crime Scene Photos

Alex, seriously. What kind of SEO program were you running?

Roman Torture Devices

Interesting…I’m starting to paint a disturbing picture of the world.

Scared Japanese People

Like Godzilla scared or Earthquake scared (too soon for that one?).

Nigerian Prostitutes

I do remember a post I did about District 9 being banned in Nigeria years ago. Maybe the two are related. Maybe.

She Was Strangled From Behind

What. The. Fuck. I don’t even know what to say about these.

Really Really Scary Pale Man

Now this is definitely someone looking for Alex. The really, really scary part is what he looks like after a week of binge drinking.

Strippers With Stretch Marks

No. Not hot strippers. Strippers with stretch marks.

How to Make People Think You Are Bad Ass

Okay. If you need to look this up on the internet you are truly lost.

I’m seriously at a loss. I’m sure this isn’t Alex’s fault. We do have a lot of interesting photos and topics on State of Affairs, but it just baffles my mind as to how people from Google sometimes get here. Just in case anyone’s keeping track, “gorilla” is still the number one search term to get to SOA. Just saying. But it hasn’t been used in a long time. The majority of our randoms are porn fetish rapists now. Well, when in Rome…

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