Oh, my poor maligned readers. Please feel free to forward all your hate mail to email@example.com dealing with my absurdly long leave of absence. I promise there’s a good excuse, even though I can’t really put my finger on what it is. I have a very detailed article coming up about my recent foray to Merry Olde England, but it’s taking me way longer than I wanted it to, so I’m afraid you’re going to have to soldier on a little longer without your daily dose of Uncle Alex.
In the meantime, in the interest of improving the damage I’ve done to my karmic wheel (which has taken enough punishment that it probably resembles a rhombus at this point) I’d like to call your attention to a charity event, coming to a city near you (if your city is Toronto – and really, if it isn’t, you need to move).
Have you ever been hungry? I don’t mean “oh man, I could really go for a Taco Bell burrito to kill this hangover” kind of hungry, nor am I referring to the kind of hunger brought on by an afternoon-long Cheech and Chong marathon (see aforementioned burrito). I mean really hungry. The kind of hungry that makes tree bark look appetizing. The kind where, if you were to drop your pizza face-down on a streetcar, you wouldn’t think twice about picking off the chewing gum and syringes and chowing down anyway.
You haven’t? I’m not surprised. Most people in this country are basically fatted calves who are so used to the convenience of Hungry Man dinners and Taco Bell burritos (wonder where I’m having lunch?) they can’t go for more than a few hours between stuffing their talk-holes with transfat and sodium without keeling over and crushing their rib cages beneath their own ponderous bulk.
But the fact of the matter is that “most people” doesn’t equal “everybody”, even in a country as rich and prosperous as this one. Over eight hundred thousand Canadian citizens a month swallow their pride and hit up a Food Bank in the interest of filling their bellies with something more nourishing than pride. A third of those people are kids, and let me be the millionth person to hammer this point home: something is really, really not right with that picture. I might not like kids (and I don’t) but I wouldn’t stoop so far as to starve them. What else are we supposed to subsist on when the ecosystem collapses (*Jonathan Swift joke)?
Seriously, though – hunger really shouldn’t be an issue in this day and age, but unfortunately it is. And until somebody comes up with one of those nifty food slot things from Star Trek (incidentally that will be the same day the human race stops doing anything worthwhile and just sits around ordering high-tech filet mignons) it’s going to continue being an issue. As a result, the Food Bank is worthy of my lofty attention.
Correspondent Steela Way sent me this video this morning courtesy of the Canadian Food Bank. The message is pretty self-explanatory:
Like I said, I don’t really like kids, but shit – don’t deny them food. Otherwise all they’ll do is complain, and as far as I’m concerned, complaining is my bag.
In unrelated news, repairing the karmic wheel is hard.
Anyway, the Food Bank is holding an interesting event at Nathan Phillips Square on Monday June 1st in support of Hunger Awareness Day. If you’re in the city and down with checking out some fascinating art dealing with the issue of hunger in Canada, I’d suggest you drop by and check it out.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go Think Outside The Bun.