Welcome back to the new-and-improved (or at least laterally-altered) State of Affairs. By now you must all be aware of the change in hierarchy here at the Compound: now that Jim is off battling dragons or attempting to retrieve purchased simians or whatever it is the Fixer’s got him doing, I get to play at being the boss around here.
As my first act as defacto Commander In Chief I am continuing the brand-new trend of ragey soundbytes under the title Anger Appetizers. Today’s edition: Arnold Schwarzenegger. And a big fucking knife.
Now I want to preface this article with the fact that I found the story on Gawker. And Gawker is not exactly where I go for reliable news. Or any news, for that matter. As far as I’m concerned, Gawker is just another shitty gossip rag, like what you see at the checkout counter at supermarkets. I’ve written about this before. That said, the image of the Governator idly fooling with a fifteen inch fucking bowie knife in front of a camera and then putting it down without referencing it ever again was just too priceless to pass up.
I’m not American, and contrary to popular belief my interest in their political landscape is usually peripheral at best. However, Arnold Schwarzenegger has always held some level of fascination for me. Well, maybe not him per se. He’s a body-builder turned movie star; not terribly exciting in my estimation, and certainly not when there are a laundry list of guys who’ve done the exact same schtick (often far better than Arnie’s managed)
I think my interest in the issue revolves more around the good people of Los Angeles – you know, the folks responsible for hiring this guy in the first place. As comedian Dylan Moran pointed out, the only strength the former Harry Tasker has ever really displayed in a measurable way is the physical kind – picking up very heavy objects and then putting them back down. And this, Moran notes, is the guy you Los Angelinos want dealing with immigration and tax laws and whatever.
To illustrate, check out the video:
For those of you too lazy (or with too much self respect to click a link from Gawker or Twitter), basically the former T-800 is calling on the citizens of his state to Twitter him with ideas about how to fix their current budgetary cluster-fuck.
Let me reiterate that, please, because it bears repeating.
The Governor of the state of California is turning to his electorate for economic advice.
I know you’re living in a democracy and all, but this is kind of taking it to extremes. If I were a Californian, I imagine my faith in the leader of my state would be somewhat shaken when he’s asking me how to run shit. To say nothing of the fact that he’s doing so whilst brandishing the fucking broadsword he happens to keep at his desk. Seriously Arnie – you do know the difference between Predator and politics, right?
On the other hand, it’s not as though he’s full of great ideas himself: his idea of fiscal responsibility includes slashing education funding by $6 billion and cutting down on AIDS support programs. This is the kind of budgeting that’s hard enough to swallow coming from an average politician: from a guy who made $12 million dollars playing the Kindergarten Cop, it’s particularly difficult to take.
Das macht mich stocksauer, Detective Kimble.
So maybe it is a good idea to call on the citizenry to dig themselves out of this fiscal sinkhole. They certainly have the motivation – if the shitty economy isn’t enough, there’s always this immortalized image of Conan the Barbarian standing over them, fiddling with his enormous Paul Hogan-worthy blade (*obvious joke*), to incite them to action.
I guess they don’t call it La-La Land for nothing.