Gentle readers, I’m going to start making a habit of this. I hate the idea of you twiddling your thumbs for half the day, forced to surf lame websites, whilst waiting for my literary brilliance to present itself. So I’ve decided to give you a truncated mini-post in the interim: to whet your appetite for cynicism, and to keep you from whining about how long it takes me to craft a legitimate article. You can thank me later.
So without further ado, I present the first installment of Anger Appetizers.
It always comes back to bombs with these people.
So in the wake of the recent 40th anniversary of the first moon landing, I was doing a little reading about the state of the space program. I’ve written before about my love for the romanticism of space exploration, and it’s been a while since I paid a lot of attention to what NASA is up to, outside of killing astronauts with faulty shuttles and ramming multi-billion dollar remote-control cars into Mars.
Sorry guys, I understand your operating budget ain’t what it used to be in the heyday of the Cold War, but you’re still supposed to be the smartest cats in the world. I would expect you’d be able to locate something like a blown O-ring or whatever, since, you know, you designed the damn thing.
Of course, we’re talking about the same people who think the best way to explore the moon is to blow it up.
According to a recent news story, there’s been a lot of talk at NASA headquarters about building an outpost on the moon. The logistics of such a project are absolutely staggering – we’re talking about a celestial body millions of miles away that’s essentially a barren rock with little to no value to anyone. Building an outpost there (for whatever reason) would require massive amounts of resources, and up till now it hasn’t looked like the moon is going to offer much in that department. I mean, there isn’t even any water up there, right?
Apparently there might be. American spacecraft have picked up traces of hydrogen and oxygen leaking out of the moon’s poles, which might be an indicator of frozen water trapped below the surface. NASA’s plan? To fire a rocket into the moon’s surface, detonating a chunk of the planetoid, and then sit around waiting to see if any water comes out of the big crater. If their projections are correct, the impact will generate a six-mile high cloud of dust, gas and moon-cheese that will be visible from Earth.
What a great idea. With NASAs track record, they’ll detonate the entire Moon, sending tides, tectonic plates and menstruating women into total disarray and chaos. It’ll be the end of life as we know it.
Or they’ll just move a decimal one point the wrong way and wind up exploding the Apollo 11 landing site.
One small step for man, one giant fucking blunder for mankind.
UPDATE: A friend sent me this video; it’s utterly funny and illustrates my point perfectly.