Jim’s Guide to World Domination

13 Jul

Hello my friends,

It’s been a long time since my last post. Alex has done a bang up job holding the fort in my absence, and I by no means aim to take him out of the spot light. As per request of the Fixer, I have been instructed to add additional writers to the front, in an attempt to super charge the rage we spew forth on a regular basis. While I am back on friendly soil, I am still in no capacity to take up the torch and march through the night. Even writing this post is blowing my cover. Alas, one can not stay in the shadows forever. I’d be no better than the degenerates that I take pleasure in ripping on.

I never found the chambermaid who found Carradine. The hotel clerk on staff said they assumed there was a hooker involved, but when you’re working at a place that charges by the hour, it’s hard to keep track of who’s fucking who.

So my adventure as a fugitive has taught me a lot. First off, toilet paper is not a luxury. Being without it for more than a day is a horrible way to live. I’ve seen a lot of gross shit in my life, but seeing a guy pick out his ass with an overgrown thumb nail is fucking disgusting. Second, no matter how much you try, there’s only one way to cook fucking rice. Everything else is just an illusion. Third, and what I think I’ve been getting at, there’s some poor fucking people on this planet. When you’re living in a shack made out of old Coca Cola billboard ads and eating rats for dinner, you’re fucking poor.

Coca Cola Shack

So this brings me to my post:  What do we do about the growing debt in the world?

Before I get to that, let’s briefly break down how money works.  According to Wikipedia, “Money is anything that is generally accepted as payment for goods and services and repayment of debts.”  Easy enough.  If you want to learn more about the different types of money and how it all works together, I suggest you read up.  It’s pretty interesting, and complicated.  What I want to specifically is how money exists.

You see, paper money only exists as a product of debt.  Before we had money, all transactions were based on the barter system, which was essentially a “I give you a blowjob for a steak” kind of system.  But then steaks got really popular, and too many people were more than happy to bone for a t-bone, and steaks got really rare.  So one guy with a lot of steaks decided that he would store all his steaks in a safe place, along with all of his friends steaks, and then use paper receipts to represent the streaks.  That way Jim the butcher could give Gidget the glutton a piece of paper the next time he gave her Greek.

willfuckforcake

So this was the way of the world for about 700 years.  1 receipt equaled one steak.  The only thing that changed over the years was how fancy the receipt looked.  Then eventually, people got greedy and decided that since nobody was redeeming their steaks anymore, they could print off a few more receipts and no one would be the wiser.  Everything was peachy fucking keen until 1929 when every ding bat in the world wanted their steaks, all at once.  Well didn’t that just work out great.  One day you’re doing the foxtrot, the next day you’re eating a fox for dinner.  Smart move assholes.  So what was the big solution to the steak crisis?  Just have the receipts and no steaks. Set up a big receipt house that has a few steaks, but then lend out a shitload of receipts based on those steaks.  Then on top of that, set up an insurance company to insure the receipts with more receipts.  As it stands now, there are 10,000 receipts for every steak.

So what does this have to do with us?  All money (receipts) are created through debt.  All money in circulation is borrowed from each country’s central bank, which is then funneled through different channels and circulated into the mainstream- and the kicker is, the more money there is, the less it’s worth.  It’s simple supply and demand, except the whole system has been commandeered by a bunch of greedy linguists hell bent on keeping the population apathetic by using technojargon to explain the economy.

255-22000

It’s a catch 22.  Say a country pays back all of their debt.  That would mean that there was no money any more (not even credit).  Money is a representation of debt.  Those who control the money supply, control the debt.  Those that control the debt, control the population.  The worst part is, there’s no way out without completely overhauling the entire global economy system- which isn’t going to happen any time soon.  This isn’t a conspiracy theory.  This is literally the way our world works.  Our entire way of life is controlled by a bunch of bankers that could pull the plug at any time.  How do you think $700 billion dollars was able to spent by the Federal Reseve with no oversight?

bailout

Even if you are personally debt free, you still pay debt every single day.  What do you think taxes do? If you think it’s to pay for social programs, health care, infrastructure, etc., you’re totally off base.  Your taxes are put more towards debt than anything else.  And this debt isn’t owned by the Bank of Canada where we can borrow it interest free, it’s owned by international banks, who fuck us up the ass on a daily basis.

Your government borrows money from foreign banks and uses you as collateral.

So what do we do?  Well, there’s a few options:

1)  Become debt free and stop paying taxes.  Unfortunately, your health care, etc is bundled with this debt, so if you stop paying the debt, you’re can’t exactly go to the hospital when you’ve got a vacuum hose on your dick.

2)  Do nothing.  Enjoy being a slave.  Become a worker bee and enjoy the status quo.  This is what most of you are already doing, and will continue for the rest of your life.

3)  Buy the debt.  What do I mean?  Instead of being a chump who’s paying off the debt, become the asshole everyone’s paying off.  This is my favourite option, and I’m finding it very easy to accomplish.  All it takes is a little moral flexibility, and charisma.  I find that these two traits come hand in hand.

In order to buy the debt, you really don’t need much.  Just a shit load of money.  So much money that you can start your own bank and start lending out to other people.  You could do it without starting a bank, but I find foreclosing on a family of 4 somewhat more satisfying than just breaking daddy’s legs.

repoman

But Jim, you might say.  I don’t have 5 million to start a bank.  What do I do?  Easy.  Start a Ponzi Scheme*.

It’s actually pretty easy to do, and you don’t need a cent to start.  You don’t even need to know anything about stocks, or investing at all- although it might be smart to read the Globe and Mail every once in a while to pick up some econojargon.  What you do is tell someone you know that you know this great investment opportunity that will give him a 9% return. The average investment gives back between 4% and 14%, depending on the risk, so 9% will sound pretty reasonable.  Then you tell him in order to get the full investment he’s got to keep his money in for 5 years.  Again, pretty reasonable.  That means if he gives you $10,000, in 5 years, he’ll get a little under a grand back.  Now what you do, is you do this with a whole bunch of people.  Also give other investors referral discounts.  All the while making sure they keep the money in for 5 years.  Why 5 years?  Because you’re paying the interest to them with their own money.  Once you’ve built up a shit load of cash, it’s off to the Caribbean.

madoff

What Madoff did that got him caught was that he kept in the game too long.  When you do this over the course of 25 years, you’re bound to be made.  It’s just a matter of time.  But, if you’re in and out in a few years you’re more than likely to get away scott free.  Then, set up shop in Panama (there’s no extradition laws there), and you’re good to go.

This is a cut throat world, and as I’ve mentioned, only the strong survive.  Do you think that guys controlling the money supply got there by playing by the rules?  They make the rules.  JP Morgan said it best: “I don’t care who’s in power, as long as I control the money supply.”

Follow my plan and you too will control it all.

Jim

*Jim Fairthorne or any writers affiliated with State of Affairs do not condone any illegal activities at all.  This blog post is for entertainment purposes only.

3 Responses to “Jim’s Guide to World Domination”

  1. ryan July 14, 2009 at 3:09 PM #

    An interesting proposition. I think it’d be apt to say that anyone who reads this is world weary enough to avoid the Pearlman fate.

  2. Benoît July 15, 2009 at 6:12 PM #

    Now that we understand that the concept of money lets will move on to income tax, income tax is the largest bill we pay and is more prevalent than the debt on our dollars, or is it? We can never be fully debt free by using the current system of finance, the question arises: How, then, does it get paid? In 1917, after finding out that the debt was beginning to build, the Federal Government usurped the powers of the provincial governments and, under the guise of the War Debt, instituted the War Debt Income Tax Act. The Act was unconstitutional then, and it is still unconstitutional today. When it was enacted, it was on a voluntary basis, at a rate of 10%, and applied only to those earning $10,000 or more per year. In 1917, the average yearly salary was about $250.

    The Income Tax Act could have more appropriately been named the Bank Interest Debt Income Tax Act; but then, people would have fought to the death to keep it out of effect. Since that time, the Federal Government has seen fit to increase the tax rate as high as 65% on high-income individuals, and has also seen fit to remove the lower limits to the point that, as you know; everyone is required to pay…

  3. Benoît July 15, 2009 at 6:40 PM #

    In Conclusion,

    Our Federal Government has gone so far away from the Constitution, in nearly every area of jurisdiction, which it now conspires to change altogether. But that is not the solution. Getting back to the way it was written is the solution.

    Each one of us selects his mode and method of doing battles with oppressive government. Some of us do it by speaking out… some of us join non-party political groups, some of us pray, and most of us do nothing. We have a condition called the “ostrich syndrome.” If we ignore it and don’t look at it, it might go away! But remember this: if your head is in the sand, your butt is an open target!

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